TIVO all the shows you think, “Oh yeah, I’ve been meaning to watch that.” But then you forget what they are
Remember what those shows are
Ditto for Itunes songs
One is that Level 42 song
Google Level 42 to find out if they play private parties then invite your friends to a party and have them play
When your friends say, “Oh My God. It’s Level 42!” Act like you never heard of them
Talk with your hands more
Look men in the eyes and don’t look away first no matter what. They for sure like that.
Lose fifteen pounds
Show up everywhere in a bikini and swear the invite said pool party
Figure out a real solution for oil spill…
…Got it! Bake giant loaves of bread… Dip Prius size bread chunks in spill… Feed to Tony Hayward.
Make reservation at Prizzi’s…yum.
Google bulk prices for flour, giant bread pans, and school bus size Ziplocs (may be listed as 100,000 gallon capacity)
Plan B – Ask all scientists currently brainstorming on diet pills, fillers, and erection drugs to pretend for one day that the oil spill is as important as looking sexy and boners
Practice E.S.P.
E.S.P. host of The Bachelor, Chris Harrison, over and over with the following message. “There will never be a rose for you, fatty pants.”
Google Image “squirrel gets in vacation photo”…Again.
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